Die Studie schlägt die besten Wege zur Versöhnung nach einem romantischen Konflikt vor. Aktive Reparatur – Bemühungen, die gemeinsame Zeit positiv zu genießen, Zuneigung auszudrücken, sich zu entschuldigen und zu vergeben. Loslassen – sich dafür entscheiden, den Konflikt aufzugeben und zuzustimmen, anderer Meinung zu sein. Auch Zuhören, Humor und Wärme ebnen den Weg zur Versöhnung.

I’ve linked to the news release in the post above. In this comment, for those interested, here’s the link to the peer reviewed journal article:

But I said I’m sorry: Helpfulness of romantic couples’ efforts to reconcile after conflict

[https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12565](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12565)

Abstract

Whereas several decades of research have documented behavior during couples’ conflict discussions that is destructive to the couple relationship, the effectiveness of post-conflict reconciliation efforts has only recently received research attention. The current study aimed to discover how couples’ negative and positive communication during conflict discussions was associated with the helpfulness of two strategies for reconciling: Active Repair and Letting Go. The sample comprised 217 heterosexual cohabiting couples who completed (1) questionnaires assessing their relationship satisfaction and tendency to engage in demand/withdraw conflict management, (2) a recorded in-lab conflict discussion, and (3) fourteen daily diaries reporting on relationship conflict and Active Repair and Letting Go reconciliation strategies. Daily negative conflict behavior (i.e., conflict expansion and contemptuous communication) did not predict helpfulness of reconciliatory attempts; nor did habitual negative conflict behavior (i.e., demand/withdraw). However, daily positive conflict behavior (i.e., attentive listening) did predict more helpful reconciliatory attempts. Observers’ one-time ratings of couples’ communication competence during conflict discussions revealed an unexpected inverse association with helpfulness of post-conflict reconciliatory attempts for men. Results indicate that couples’ ability to maintain positive behavior during day-to-day conflict may be the best strategy for supporting subsequent efforts to reconcile and reconnect afterward.

From the linked article:

The Best Way to Reconcile After a Romantic Rift

Conflict recovery for couples requires both talking and listening.

Key points:

– Relational rebound requires an apology, accompanied by affection and positive affect.

– Positive conflict behavior such as attentive listening prompts reconciliation.

– Post-conflict humor and warmth ease the road to relational recovery.

Siri Wilder et al. (2024), in a piece entitled “But I Said I’m Sorry,” examined the effectiveness of romantic couples’ post-conflict reconciliation efforts.[i] They sought to investigate how positive and negative communication during conflict discussions impacted two strategies for reconciling: Active Repair and Letting Go. They describe Active Repair as making intentional efforts to enjoy positive time together, express affection, apologize, and forgive. Letting Go involves deciding to drop the conflict, viewing the value of the relationship as more important than the issues raised in the conflict, and as many couples can relate to: agreeing to disagree.

Studying 217 heterosexual cohabiting couples, Wilder et al. found that daily negative conflict behavior, such as contemptuous communication and conflict expansion, did not improve attempts at reconciliation, nor did habitual negative conflict behavior. But there was good news. Wilder et al. found that daily positive conflict behavior, such as attentive listening, improved attempts at reconciliation. They conclude that a couple’s ability to sustain positive behavior during daily conflict may be the most promising method of supporting subsequent efforts to reconcile and reconnect.

When it comes to post-conflict recovery, partners can mend fences through attitude, affection, and affect. Wilder et al. note that hostile and frustrating communication during conflict conversations predict marital distress and divorce, where humor and warmth ease the road to reconciliation. These observations make practical sense to most couples, who are usually aware which category they fall into with respect to post-conflict behavioral patterns.