Häuslicher Missbrauch: Die Hälfte der männlichen Opfer meldet Vorfälle nicht

I am posting this because today is International Men’s Day. This is the only news story vaguely relating to any issue men face on the front page of our national broadcaster’s news website and was buried at the bottom of the page under local news for Northern Ireland.

Having just refreshed the page, it has now disappeared entirely.

Edit: I should also note that the story about a town complaining about their ‘wonky’ Christmas tree has remained on the front page.

My ex was an absolute abusive nightmare. She later had babies with a friend of mine, and my friend is not allowed to see his kids because she says he is abusive. The court is making him go to domestic violence sessions so he can sit in a room with a bunch of wifebeaters, on the say-so of a woman who came at me with a knife because she was drunk.

I would just think it was MRA nonsense if I didn’t know any better. I have provided him with evidence that she was abusive towards me but the court ain’t interested. She also gets legal aid etc but he is going solo. I also made a police report years after we split up, in the wake of the Sarah Everard murder when everyone on social media was talking about reporting violent men to the police.

I know part of the reasons he’s struggling so much is because he doesn’t know how to navigate the system / play the game / etc. But she has 100% custody of her kids and she is a violent possessive loon you wouldn’t trust with a hamster. She’s even homeschooling them. Poor kids.

“Half” seems very low..

When my ex would hit me in public, men would comfort her and confront me demanding to know what I did. That, or laugh.

And no point reporting anything that happened at home, it would be her word against mine, and she’d make sure I would take as much heat as possible.

Abuse can come in different ways and society has deemed that men should just put up with it or we are not allowed to have feelings.
It can start off with the societal acceptance of the ‘old ball and chain’ in that men accept their wife or gf shouts or hits them regularly and doesn’t support them but ‘that’s what marriage is’ and it can evolve into worse abuse to the point were a man can be embarrassed to talk about it with friends or family because they are ashamed or trapped.
The divorce system also favours women quite heavily which makes it hard for someone to get out of a relationship as they could be financially ruined.

Men shouldn’t feel that they can’t speak out. Unfortunately, it’s also men who belittle other men who do speak out.

domestic abuse has a wide reaching description, most assume it to be violent.

if every crime was being committed under the mental assaults that women do, most would find themselves in court.

Obviously male – female partner DV is more prevalent and I would presume more extreme on average however the men being abused are in a pretty uniquely difficult situation.

You can’t fight back without being socially ostracised and cant report it without facing shame.

Your trapped with no good options.

– Men don’t know they are being abused.
– They generally get laughed at (I have experienced this) or told they are lying (Experienced this too).
– They are told it doesn’t matter/to man up/etc.
– They are generally not believed even with physical evidence.

These are just 3 reasons why they aren’t reported, but the biggest is generally that society doesn’t care.

I wonder how many men are in coercive control abuse situations (so not physical abuse but more manipulative emotional abuse) without realising too

Don’t report! Gather evidence and run! Police will turn against you immediately when they book your girl and she starts telling her stories. They will ignore everything you had to say.

I reported emotional abuse and rape from a long term partner to the police. It never went on record.

They spent months getting back to me, asked me to compile more evidence, looked at a small part of it then said they needed more.

I said cool, I have all the texts on this phone, there’s 10 years worth of messages on there. You can take the phone as I’m having trouble downloading them off there.

They didn’t say they’d take it – just that they’d be in touch.

Months later, I wrote to ask what was going on.

The letter I got back said “I understand you’re disappointed with how things have gone. Yes, you provided us with clear evidence of abuse, however you declined to give us any more information, so we can’t do anything about it”.

I was in too much of a state to argue or complain again, especially as there wasn’t even a word exchanged about the instance of rape.

I think some of these are men in marriages or long-term relationships where they don’t have enough money to leave or have their finances so stretched thin that thinking about leaving just isn’t an option.

I grew up watching my dad being an abusive relationship so a lot of it is familiar to me.

I was in an abusive relationship for a decade. I escaped with thanks to some professionals who got involved after I had a break down. Once it was clear I had ran and was not coming back to her, my abuser saw the risk from me making an official complaints against her, flipped the narrative and immediately made many false allegations against me – months after last seeing her and with a weight of professional evidence from GP’s and therapists detailing what i had been through at her hands, physically, emotionally and financially. Typical DARVO stuff. I was broken, left hundreds of thousands in debt, and ran one day with just a bag of clothes – never to go back.

Despite the track record, the police only cared about protecting the vulnerable female “victim”. I was dragged through 2 separate 6 hour long interviews under caution. All documentation to back up what i had been through was provided.

At the end of the 2nd interview, after the recording was stoped, one of the officers profusely apologised for what I had been through but said that they had to follow process.

When I asked if I can make a complaint and my abuser would face anything now, I was told that it was very unlikely they would progress anything as they did not “want to put off genuine female victims from coming forward”

If you want to know why men don’t report things – its stuff like that.

Im a male victim of abuse my whole life. Emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial abuse. I’ve repeatedly reported this stuff for over a decade. Female doctors, police and social workers have told me a version of ‘it’s my own fault I was abused’ because ‘she just really loves me’ ‘women can’t abuse men’ ‘mothers don’t abuse their kids’. But they fucking do???

I don’t believe these figures at all. Again, men pretending to be victims.