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    Ich bin 27 und sterbe an Krebs, aber meine Freunde beunruhigen mich in meinen letzten Tagen


    Ich bin 27 und sterbe an Krebs, aber meine Freunde beunruhigen mich in meinen letzten Tagen

    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/10/02/brain-cancer-ghosting-joshua-cullen-interview-boston

    Von nunoluz

    View 15 Comments

    15 Comments

    1. Ok_Dragonfruit_8102 on

      In my experience this isn’t unique to cancer, it’s a feature of modern friendships. They’re wonderful as long as you can share hobbies, have fun, go partying etc with them, and they’ll even let you talk about being depressed or anxious. But the moment something inescapably *real* happens, they ditch you. There’s a sense in which younger people now (by ‘younger’ I mean under 40 or so) tend to view difficult responsibilities toward friends in need as a boundary-crossing imposition that they can just reject the moment it causes them discomfort.

    2. ThouShallConform on

      Ok I’ve read the article. I’ve actually had cancer a few times around the same age and I was forced to retire from the damage treatment did.

      I spent time chatting with terminally ill people during treatment. Used to spend the week in hospital with a few.

      I also lost most if not all of my friends from work and even from the dive club I was in.

      They initially kept in touch. I didn’t like telling people bad news. People never know what to say and honestly we all have our own issues. So I never spoke at length about it.

      We drifted apart slowly and sometimes it did upset me. But I realised it’s not something anyone does to be mean.

      When you have a long medical battle it’s hard to know how to approach you.

      If I rang up any of those old friends they would all probably be there for me. But they just stopped checking in. Because I think they realised it didn’t help me to ask for an update.

      What do you say to your 27 year old dying mate? Or in my case 30 and losing my whole career and becoming disabled over multiple treatments.

      Most people around that age never need to consider their mortality. And do you want to just keep saying sorry?

      And then you have to remember the strain it puts on people being exposed to the trauma of something like this.

      I’ve had mental health professionals crying listening to me tell them what happened with my health. Never mind people who aren’t trained to deal with that sort of thing.

      It’s an impossible situation. I’m very sorry this man has terminal cancer and I hope his passing is as peaceful as it can be. Life can be incredibly cruel at times.

      I think it’s our job as people to try and find the positive in life. Maybe the positive from this man’s death is people will see this article and reach out to give support to their sick family and friends.

    3. Human_Importance_103 on

      To be fair he is about to ghost his friends. He can’t really talk.

    4. Slippery_Williams on

      ‘Ghosting’ probably wasn’t the most tactful term to use here

    5. whatmichaelsays on

      I’m love to give any traffic to that insufferable twat Jake Humphrey, but I do recommend listening to the interview with Kevin Sinfield about how he confronted this reality with Rob Burrow. The idea that friends could just “disappear” when someone receives a serious diagnosis is incredibly sad.

      [Kevin Sinfield: Why I’ll Never Stop Fighting For My Friend Rob – YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRN_ug31KqI)

    6. DebraUknew on

      Same happened to my husband . So called friends at our then church mostly ignored him .

    7. CinnamonBlue on

      I saw this somewhere on Reddit:

      “And for my next trick, I’ll break my own heart by exaggerating my place in other people’s lives.”

      It cuts deep.

    8. 369_Clive on

      The friends of this guy should still be there for him when he dies. We’re all squeamish about death. We don’t know how to act: wail or try to make light of it.

      But I’d have thought if his friends said, “You’re going to die and there’s absolutely *nothing* we can do to stop that. But, we will be there to see you off so you don’t have to be on your own at death”, might be a kind thing to do. Not an *easy* thing, but a decent thing.

    9. Wheelie2022 on

      Kind of similar but not cancer , I had an accident that left me paralysed.
      So many so called friends , didn’t even bother to visit while in hospital for 6 months .
      After more dropped away inc some family members, well I just hope they don’t find themselves in a similar situation.

    10. MistyJohnstone on

      Had cancer 10 years ago and noticed the lack of contact from guys I thought were good friends and would be there.
      You live you learn. That mistake won’t be made again. After recovery the friendships were never the same. That’s the way it goes I suppose.

    11. pikantnasuka on

      My dad has cancer. He in his 70s, so not quite the same situation. But there are people he knows who quite obviously cannot bear to talk to him now. It’s understandable; what do they say? Should they be direct and ask about it? Should they pretend it isn’t happening? Should they comment on the significant changes to his appearance or ignore them? What help is there to offer- they can’t cure him, what else can they offer that people aren’t already doing? They don’t want to cry in front of him, they don’t know what to do so they avoid him. They’re sad and afraid, they’re not being bastards.

    12. dillydally1144 on

      Why even bother posting a link to a article you have to sign up just to read

    13. Dry_Sandwich_860 on

      My mother died of cancer only two weeks after diagnosis and I had a cancer scare at the same time. We’ve all heard horror stories about people whose friends and family abandon them when they’re down on their luck, but even so, I was shocked to find that most of my friends disappeared.

      I didn’t expect anything from anyone and hardly talked about it. I didn’t behave as though I was sad or worried. I did tell people what was going on, but there was nothing weird about it and I told them the same way that most of them had told me about their own challenges in life on other occasions.

      There are people here making the usual excuses. “People don’t know what to say,” etc. As far as I’m concerned, there is simply no excuse. Everyone is capable of sending a text/card that says “thinking of you” or a few other words.

      It turned out that I didn’t have cancer, and people have slowly started to trickle back. I haven’t said anything, but I don’t want anything to do with those AH and keep my responses to their messages to emoji or a couple of words. The people who did stay in touch are the people I want to continue to have in my life. The whole thing taught me a good lesson about how to identify people who make good friends.

    14. PyroRampage on

      Heartbreaking. Life can truly be horrific to some families. Seems like such a nice guy.

    15. Existing_Ad2265 on

      I had Pneumonia and it was scary. Sometimes people want alone time when being at the end of their life. My grandpa didn’t want any kids in his room when he was dying from cancer. He said the nuisance was too much for him. I’d focus on being grateful for the life I had, then worry about the last few weeks.

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