well he does waddle with an air of confidence rarely seen in this day and age
Fluffy-Rip1097 on
Steven Zeagal
Khoeth_Mora on
why is Segel now Putin’s stooge you may ask? Segel is a hopeless narcissist, and anyone that can succefully feed his ego will gain full control over him.
CegeRoles on
“So he’s just fatly going around corners…”
celtic1888 on
Husky voice…’I’ve been consoling terror victims for like 35 years….’
DeepEndLion on
I’ve been visiting victims for like 47 years
ThisIsFineImFine89 on
Will Sasso’s Seagal impression was so on point
TheLeggacy on
I once saw a documentary where Steven Seagal averted a war by infiltrating a gang of terrorists who had hijacked the ship he was working as a chef on. Now he seems to have defected 🤷🏻♂️
HR_DUCK on
I imagine the victims going up to hug Seagal only for him to lazily push them away like in his recent movies
Alubalu22 on
He came to eat them, you know to stop the pain. But being eaten alive is a slow death, you say?
No worries he swallows them whole in one big gulp, 2 or 3 at a time if they are kids.
JeromeMixTape on
I have doubts that this was consensual
Sabbathius on
I cannot believe that fat fraud shilling for Putin. It blew my mind. I remember watching his movies in the late ’80s/early ’90s and thinking some of them were actually pretty good. Hell of a legacy to leave behind.
Barabarabbit on
Does Segal spray his hair on? It looks so fake
stonefly_76 on
They should send him to the russian black sea fleet..they are UNDER SIEGE by Ukraine…
ZzangmanCometh on
Is he gonna do a funny run for them?
Intelligent_Town_910 on
When they say Seven Seagal rolls into town, he really rolls into town.
lordb4 on
I know it is real life, but I want a SpaceIce video out of this.
LoneRedditor123 on
This fucking headline killed me, lmfao.
redrumakm on
Whatever you do, don’t let him sit in a chair
Ormsfang on
I can see the headlines now:
Segal to visit victims of terror attack and fire. Finds opponents he can finally defeat in hand to hand combat.
boingwater on
“Here Crocus City victims, is a fat sex pest to console you. He’s the best we’ve got – Love, Putler”
tistimenotmyrealname on
Im laughing so hard
CaptainSnatchbox on
He looks like Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon.
Mysterious_Link_7587 on
Jesus Christ! I’m sure a visit from this narcissist prick will go along way to heal their trauma
Friendly_Trouble_916 on
Seagal is a loser and traitor to our country! He keeps his head up Putin’s ass like trump!
sigflo on
r/notheonion
idler_JP on
Fun fact, I used to live right next to where Steven Seagal USED to pretend to run a “Dojo” in Juso, Osaka, Japan.
I got made fun of multiple times by my Japanese colleagues, not because the area is literally a red-light district, and my neighbours were all sex-workers, no, but because that’s where Steven Seagal lived like 40 fucking years ago.
Guy is such a loser that a whole area of town is still made the butt of jokes because he briefly lived there decades ago. Truly magical power.
W_MarkFelt on
What real life nut job he turned out to be. OR he always was and it just eventually came out
fergie9275 on
“I’ve been consoling terror victims for like 28 years”
Big-Al97 on
“Segals’s coming, unplug me!”
liebkartoffel on
That toupee doesn’t even look like it’s trying to resemble hair. It’s like a piece of felt or something.
LilLebowskiAchiever on
So Steven Seagal is now the unofficial First Lady of Moskovia. Is he stretchier than that gymnast???
susrev88 on
seagal:
* being fat
* waddling
* says some dumb shit buts speaks unintelligible
* sitting
* has no clue so he’ll probably eat a carrot in front of everybody
* molests young females
suckmyballzredit69 on
lol, both fake martial artists getting along.
Rcj1221 on
This man takes bootlicking to a whole new level, or at least a whole new country.
47 Comments
should’ve sent him in earlier to save the day
Have they not suffered enough?
If there was ever a statement about how terrible Russia is. Your family gets gunned down and they send Steven Seagal to console you.
That is one seriously unflattering picture. He looks like he’s 11 months pregnant or something..
(not to body shame – just sayin’, in the context of him supposedly being a tough guy)
I instantly remembered that Jon Tron video, need to watch that again
Classic seagull… fly in, make an irritating noise, and shit all over everything.
He looks just like his South Park character…
That hairline looks about as real as his fighting skills
This is an Onion headline, right?
​
It’s an Onion headline, right?
You mean the fake martial arts guy
The useful idiot rides again.
He got choked out and shit his pants.
https://youtu.be/X1il9FT5eZ0?feature=shared
well he does waddle with an air of confidence rarely seen in this day and age
Steven Zeagal
why is Segel now Putin’s stooge you may ask? Segel is a hopeless narcissist, and anyone that can succefully feed his ego will gain full control over him.
“So he’s just fatly going around corners…”
Husky voice…’I’ve been consoling terror victims for like 35 years….’
I’ve been visiting victims for like 47 years
Will Sasso’s Seagal impression was so on point
I once saw a documentary where Steven Seagal averted a war by infiltrating a gang of terrorists who had hijacked the ship he was working as a chef on. Now he seems to have defected 🤷🏻♂️
I imagine the victims going up to hug Seagal only for him to lazily push them away like in his recent movies
He came to eat them, you know to stop the pain. But being eaten alive is a slow death, you say?
No worries he swallows them whole in one big gulp, 2 or 3 at a time if they are kids.
I have doubts that this was consensual
I cannot believe that fat fraud shilling for Putin. It blew my mind. I remember watching his movies in the late ’80s/early ’90s and thinking some of them were actually pretty good. Hell of a legacy to leave behind.
Does Segal spray his hair on? It looks so fake
They should send him to the russian black sea fleet..they are UNDER SIEGE by Ukraine…
Is he gonna do a funny run for them?
When they say Seven Seagal rolls into town, he really rolls into town.
I know it is real life, but I want a SpaceIce video out of this.
This fucking headline killed me, lmfao.
Whatever you do, don’t let him sit in a chair
I can see the headlines now:
Segal to visit victims of terror attack and fire. Finds opponents he can finally defeat in hand to hand combat.
“Here Crocus City victims, is a fat sex pest to console you. He’s the best we’ve got – Love, Putler”
Im laughing so hard
He looks like Ming the Merciless from Flash Gordon.
Jesus Christ! I’m sure a visit from this narcissist prick will go along way to heal their trauma
Seagal is a loser and traitor to our country! He keeps his head up Putin’s ass like trump!
r/notheonion
Fun fact, I used to live right next to where Steven Seagal USED to pretend to run a “Dojo” in Juso, Osaka, Japan.
I got made fun of multiple times by my Japanese colleagues, not because the area is literally a red-light district, and my neighbours were all sex-workers, no, but because that’s where Steven Seagal lived like 40 fucking years ago.
Guy is such a loser that a whole area of town is still made the butt of jokes because he briefly lived there decades ago. Truly magical power.
What real life nut job he turned out to be. OR he always was and it just eventually came out
“I’ve been consoling terror victims for like 28 years”
“Segals’s coming, unplug me!”
That toupee doesn’t even look like it’s trying to resemble hair. It’s like a piece of felt or something.
So Steven Seagal is now the unofficial First Lady of Moskovia. Is he stretchier than that gymnast???
seagal:
* being fat
* waddling
* says some dumb shit buts speaks unintelligible
* sitting
* has no clue so he’ll probably eat a carrot in front of everybody
* molests young females
lol, both fake martial artists getting along.
This man takes bootlicking to a whole new level, or at least a whole new country.